itisjustmyopinion

So, here it is, the last day of January already..man, this time is just flying by so fast anymore.  it is such a weird phenomenon.  i first want to thank all of my friends (and those of you who happen to stumble on this blog) for reading it.  i know i have no comments here, but to the friends i have that do read this, i really have enjoyed your absolute honesty with the comments that you leave me, or that we talk about.  it really has been enjoyable and enlightening for me to hear different view points, and thanks again for keeping me in check.

i decided to write about a very simple, or at least what should be a very simple, topic this time around, although i really wanna delve deeper than just hit the surface of it.  So here we go..

i was watching the Oprah show when she had Ted Haggard on.  For those who have not as yet, heard about Mr. Haggard, he is the preacher, who founded the New Life Church, and he was the ousted pastor of that church.  He was ousted for buying drugs and allegedly having sexual relations with this man who sold him the drugs.  Obviously, this was a very big problem.  So he was exiled from the church, and on the outside, understandably so.  You cannot, as the pastor, leader, and founder of a church, be on the pulpit demonizing drug usage and homosexual sex, and be participating in those very behaviors.  That is the very definition of hypocrisy if i have ever heard one.

Now i will get back to Mr. Haggard in a minute, but first i want to say this.  i honestly believe, being a born-again Christian myself, that there is a whole bunch of people that do NOT buy into this Christian ideal for a whole lot of reasons.  But i think that the main reason is because of the sheer hypocrisy they themselves have experienced.  it is so very sad as far as i am concerned.

One of the most important responsibilities i have as a Christian is to be evangelical.  This, in a nutshell, simply means that when the opportunities present themselves, i have a responsibility and a duty to tell people, who generally are not saved, about salvation and how that is obtained. By the way, i DO NOT save them, that job is for someone else; i just inform them the best way i can.  Now, if you haven’t read my previous blogs, i am a very non-judgmental, bible thumping over your head, scripture shoving down your throat kind of Christian.  i take a whole different approach.  What i meant by ‘when opportunities present themselves’ is to me, when unsaved people start asking questions and being curious about theology on whatever level they feel comfortable talking about.  That, i believe, is my perfect opportunity to: #1 find out what level they are on, and #2 talk to them on their level, not on my level.  By conveying to them what i believe the Scripture says from my level would be a self-defeating.  So i have to find out where they are, pray for the vocabulary that i need to speak to them and then, and only then, listen and then speak to them on their level, so they DO understand me; and hopefully keep asking more questions.  Now, i am no where near an expert on theology.  But i do understand certain things, and what i don’t understand, i can look it up (i have plenty of reference books, etc., to look up things i don’t know).

Going deeper into this, i have noticed over many years the pure hypocrisy that is involved in being Christian.  Now don’t get me wrong, i have lived all of my life with a now hopefully ‘reformed’ relative, who was, in the past, constantly sitting on her moral high horse, pointing that hypocritical finger at me, telling me what i believed and didn’t believe.  She would also take it a step further, by going to her church, to tell the members there, what heathens all of her family were and that they needed to pray for us because we were all going to hell.  Okay, whatever.  These people that participate in this kind of behavior are going to self implode the Christian life.  There are many things that enrage me, but nothing more than this kind of thing happening all the time, and not only are they not drawing people to Christ, they are driving them farther away. Now i am just a simple person, but this seems counterproductive to me.

Let me give you a few examples of what i mean.  When Sandi Patty, a Christian singer/songwriter, got divorced, there was an uproar from certain groups of people who claimed to be Christian as well.  Unbelievable to me. i mean seriously, how ridiculous is this.  Believe it or not, in the New Testament (which most Christians live and die by), divorce is allowed by God in certain circumstances.  He does not want you to stay in an unhappy, abusive relationship.  That is NOT what God ever wants for ANYONE, saved or not.  He wants us to be happy and content.  So this whole idea of ousting Ms. Patty for getting divorced is insane to me.

Then there was Michael English.  He is another contemporary Christian singer.  At the 25th Anniversary of the Dove Award Show (a gospel music award show), he won, count them, SEVEN Dove Awards.  For one person to win one is awesome..to win SEVEN, is incredible.  And they were very well deserved.  He has a very powerful voice and is so very talented.  Some time later, he gave all the awards back.  He said he did not deserve them.  Why?  The reason was because he was married, and was having an affair with one of his background singers, and she was pregnant with his child.  Shocking?  Yes, but worth the out and out criticism from the Christian world was not necessary.  This affected me so much, that i actually wrote to Mr. English.  in a nutshell, i told him that i was sorry to hear that he was giving up music and singing totally.  i told him that i understood that what he had done was wrong and i knew that he knew that all to well, also.  BUT, God gave him a gift that he was just throwing away.  i do not have a God given talent to sing, like Mariah or Whitney; but Mr. English does, and God gave him that gift, and i found it very sad that he was just going to toss it away forever.  i begged and pleaded with him not to do this.  it would be a huge mistake, for not only the people that were so positively affected by his music, but he would especially being doing a disservice to those that had not heard his message…yet.  And he caved because all of this was done, by the actions of other Christians, who are pointing their finger at him, criticizing him, all the while, they themselves are living PERFECT lives, don’t ya know? Sure they are..NOT!

And then there is Mr. Haggard.  He stated in the interview, that he was not being punished for doing what he is accused of doing, but instead he was being punished for LYING about it.  Big difference.

There are plenty of Christians who make mistakes, because, (in case you did not know this), these people are HUMAN BEINGS.  We are the most wretched, disgusting, vile beings EVER.  We do NOT deserve God’s love.  But ‘For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life.’ (John 3:16).  Simply amazing.

if you have children, and you know without a doubt how much you love and cherish them, multiply that love exponentially, and you will know how much God loves us.

Anyway, getting back on track, people who tout being a Christian, regardless of the branch you are on, have to, and i do mean HAVE TO, stop treating people this way, and being SO judgmental.  Being the judge and jury is above all of our pay grades, and it isn’t part of our job description.  That job belongs to someone else, and HE will take care of it when it is time.  in the meantime, we, as Christians, do not have the privileged of exiling anyone who had done wrong, whether those wrong doers are Christians or not.

Our living example; the One we look to on how to deal with life on Earth and all that arises from that; is Jesus Christ, Himself.  Did he not sleep with lepers?  Did he not break bread with the Pharisees and the tax collectors (which, by definition) were some of the most hated people in their society at the time?  Did he not forgive Mary Magdalene, who, by the way, if you don’t know that name, she was a prostitute?

i understand the judgments all too well, being one of the many who have been judged by other humans, especially Christians, for most of my life.  After all, i do have a child and he was conceived out of wedlock (oh my); and to be quite honest, have judged others unfairly in the past.  But i also understand how powerful compassion can be and how it can affect others in a positive way, not negative.

if you are one of these people, who judge others, and are so critical of the things that YOU think are so vile, i want you to think this.  #1- Those who live in glass houses, should not throw stones..or more theologically put: Matthew 7:1~ “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” As stated before, it is NOT, nor will it EVER be, our job, Christian or not, to judge others. That is not part of our job description as humans and is well above our pay grade.

We truly need to get over ourselves already.  Can you imagine how much of a better place we can make this life on Earth?  i can imagine it, but it starts with you.  You are the only one in control of you.  You cannot change others; but if we make an honest effort to make this conscience change in our lives, who knows, maybe others will follow our lead?  You just never know until you try.

But after all, that is just my opinion…..

Remember this:

God loves you not because of who you are, but because of who HE is.

i say Thank God and Amen to that.  How about you?

Hello again..nice to ’see’ all of you..hope all is going well for you and your families..

I am sitting here at the computer, mesmerized by the flashing cursor,  trying to think about a subject to discuss and share my feelings on the matter.  And this is what came to mind.

i have been dating since i was 17 or so..well actually, i did have a boyfriend of sorts in Jr. High. Our relationship consisted of him carrying my books for me and sitting with me at lunch time.

Now, reflecting on my social life, i really didn’t have a whole lot of boyfriends; let’s just say that i had more ‘friends with benefits” than actual boyfriends..which, by the way, was a win/win for me at the time because i wasn’t looking for my soul mate.  That is a whole other ‘oprah’ show, so i will just keep moving along now..

To be fair, i have had 15 or so boyfriends. And reflecting back on it, i have noticed a pattern.

The pattern, that actually i have noticed since my early 20’s, goes like this..Girl meets boy, girl dates boy, girl has intimate relationship with boy, boy breaks up with girl, and the climax is…wait for it,

Yep you guessed it..after the break up, boy marries the very next girl that he meets.   This has happened 13 times..that i am aware of.   What are the odds on that?  i would think the odds would be astromical. Lucky me.  So, after a great deal of self analysis, i have come to some conclusions.

The first, and most obvious one, is that in all these relationships, the common denominator is me.  So given that, i then come to the conclusion that maybe i am defective in some way; but that can’t be the answer.   So then that leads me to think that the men i have dated are defective.  Although some were pretty messed up, that doesn’t answer the question sufficiently enough for me; it is not the end all be all answer.

Then i had a brilliant ‘light bulb’ moment.  With the belief of mine, i believe that everyone, and yes i do mean EVERYONE, is given a gift (or in some cases, several) from God. Whether this gift is big or small is a mute point, but everyone does possess some kind of talent.  Just a side note, if you do not agree with the last statement, you are one of the many many people who haven’t found your gift..yet.

Therefore, the ultimate conclusion is that one of my gifts is a guy fixer-upper.  Now don’t get me wrong, i do not enter into a relationship with a ‘Florence Nightingale’ approach.  I know that going into the relationship with the idea that i can ‘fix’ guys is a guarantee that this phenomenon will happen again.  So i stray away from that kind of thinking.  I go into a relationship with an absolute trust and understanding that it has the potential to go on to the next ‘level’..ie a committed, monogamous relationship..and from there, leads to a marriage, eventually.  But this does NOT happen in my case.

Thirteen out of fifteen times is too many for me to consider that it is just a coincidence, or fluky timing or whatever phrase works for you to describe the situation.

I make a few jokes about it.  Like, for instance, maybe i will start a business; and call it “the re bounders”*. It will be an out and out legitimate operation; not a front for prostitution. That would be illegal; and Heidi Fleiss is not a role model for me. i would employ men and women of caliber, of course, and our clients can date my employees, for as long as it takes them to get ‘fixed’..get them to the point where they are then able to meet their spouse-to-be, and they can ride off into the sunset together.  And after they pay us for services rendered, i can stand at the door way of my ‘office’ and holler, ‘NEXT’.  Everybody wins. YEAH BABY!!!

Now, like i said this is one of the jokes i make about this whole thing that happens with me.  But the jokes are actually a cover up, a self-defense mechanism.  They are a band-aid to put on my heart to hide the scars that were left behind; and i have many. Fortunately enough for me, i have dealt with that baggage. I am okay with it, for now.

I know that I cannot be the ONLY one on this earth that this has happened too.  There are probably plenty of people that this has happened to at least once.  But 13 out of 15; honestly?

Another conclusion is that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior (thank you, Dr. Phil).  So i have just learned and accepted that i am, and probably always will be single.  I am not having a pity party or crying in my beer; just putting the truth out on the table because you can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge (Again, i say, thank you, Dr. Phil).  I know, without a doubt, that there is someone, ( if not only one person) out there who knows how this feels. Odds are that they probably have not had it happen to them as consistently as i have, but they still can understand the sentiment.

So for all those men out there, if you are broken, shattered, ripped to shreds, and completely devastated, give me a shout, and i will do my very best to help you out.  As you have read, you know that i have a great record for success.  I’m guessing it is about an 87% chance of success, give or take.  Well, actually it is an 86.666666666% chance,  but for argument sake, i just rounded up.

In all honestly, i cannot explain why this happens.  I just must be the luckiest person in the world. I will continue to be spreading joy and happiness wherever i go and give those who need it, the ego boost they need, and put them out on the road to finding their true love. So be warned, if you date me and break up with me, you will, more than likely, be married to the next woman you meet.  And please remember, i do reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, for any reason. So be very careful what you wish for.

But after all, it is just my opinion.

May God bless you with happiness and prosperity throughout this extremely unique and history making year.

* “the re bounders” is a copyrighted term and cannot be used without the expressed written consent of, well, me.

So, we have made it to 2009; Happy New Year to all; i know it is late, but couldn’t be helped..so better late than never.

i think that at this time, most of us are either reflecting on the past or looking forward to the future..i have been finding myself doing the former for more reasons than i can list here.  But i will tell you that reminiscing about the past, when times were so much more simpler and uncomplicated, has a positive impact on me.  Don’t misunderstand me..i don’t live in the past, because you don’t move forward if you are constantly looking back…

Reminiscing for me puts me in a much better place and mood for some reason.  I have been having a whole lot of flashbacks just being a member of Facebook and getting back in touch with those people who’s names i haven’t heard in 20 or so years, at least..I had a lot of good times and i lived life like there was no tomorrow.  i have always stated that i have had enough fun in my life..in fact, i have had enough fun for about 10 people..When one starts looking back on their life and experiences, i think one (hopefully) takes certain life lessons from those experiences to make their life now even better..

There are certain truths that we as humans cannot deny that we learn through time..For example, i know for a fact that when you are at your lowest point in life, you find out who your true friends really are. This truth i have only had to experience twice in my life.  The first time was when i moved back home when i was pregnant to have my child where my support system was, or at least where i thought it was at the time.  Nineteen of twenty friends of mine scattered like cockroaches when you turn on the lights when i informed them of my joyous news.  I could have had the plague, small pox, or even mad cow disease, and i don’t think they would have left me; but somehow pregnancy is different to them.  Have never figured that one out.  But then again, i am not the one who has to live with deserting a friend when they needed me, nor will i EVER have to live with that.  But what was worse, were the people who maliciously and falsely went around our very small town, talking crap about what they thought happened with my situation, when they, in truth, didn’t know a thing about what had happened..they did not know my son’s biological father, let alone, why i ended up back in Scottsbluff, pregnant and alone.  So to those of you, and you know who you are, i tell you this..karma is a bitch..and you will have to answer for the deeds you have done.  The ones that participated in this cruel activity were extremely immature in doing so.  I felt sorry for them, because they must have, and still do have, a very low self-esteem. They felt like they had to make me look bad in order for them to look good.  And this was being said by people i had known most of my life, and i never did anything to them to provoke them in anyway.  I just came back home to have a child and do what I felt was right for me and my life.  And in turn, was being crucified, for lack of a better word, in public, for what?  For their self-esteem to be boosted by saying things like “She tried to trap the father..too bad for her that she got stuck with a kid..ha ha ha” and was being called a “gold digger”…Hate to burst your bubble, but my son’s father had NOTHING to offer me as far as any material things; he didn’t have money; he didn’t have a house, he did have the clothes on his back and that is it..and if you wanna call that gold digging; than i need to buy you a dictionary and read the definition of a gold digger..It has certainly been proved that these are definitely activities that you yourself have participated in; but not me..i have never been materialistic or narcissistic, or self involved..like you…and i never will be, because through others who act this way, i have never seen the upside to this behavior.  i only see this coming back on you tenfold and kicking you in the butt; which, by the way, is exactly what you deserve.

This brings me to the second thing i know for a fact:  You reap what you sow.  You get out of life exactly what you put in.  And if the bed you are lying in is uncomfortable for you: First of all, you should have made it better, but secondly, you deserve what you get.  We all have to answer for our shortcomings. i am not saying that i am better than anyone else, because i am not.  But at least i have always tried to be better than i was yesterday.  And i do not go around talking crap about someone else who doesn’t deserve it.  Especially when i have known that person for 40 years of my life.  But some people change; most of them for the better..but the limited few i do know have gone down a path of narcissism and i feel sorry for them and i especially feel sorry for their children.  i pray that the kids will grow up to know better because they are not getting that lesson from you.  So Sad….

The third thing i know is true is that life is much more easy when your foundation is solid.  I also know that when you surround yourself with people who only want you to be the best “you” you can be (sounds like an Army commercial, sorry), life is less complicated.  Having a support system is critical in getting through life and what it throws at you when you least expect it.

I have had to stand by those who did things that were either things that i absolutely didn’t agree with or I have, and still am standing by those, (and i am talking strictly about past relationships here) who have broken my heart.  It is sometimes a very challenging thing to stand by friends who have made decisions in their life that go totally against my value system..but then again, i don’t have to answer for their actions; i only have my own to answer for.  And it was the right thing to do to support them in those decisions and i don’t regret it.  One was an incident that happened in the late 80’s to early 90’s…and the other happened last year.

The latter i will shed some light on for you.  In a nutshell, i met a man online 2 years ago this coming May.  We developed a very solid base for the relationship that came later.  He was here in Montana a year ago, to celebrate Christmas and New Year’s with my son and i.  and later i had made plans to meet him in Omaha, NE, in June, for 3 1/2 weeks to a month, so i could spend some much needed time with him to develop our long-distance relationship and go storm chasing for the first time in my life; i was really looking forward to that.  As life would have it, i didn’t make it to Omaha.  He had hit a run of bad luck; engine blew on his car, he wasn’t getting footage of the storms, and so in turn, was not getting any money; and he was having to pay for a rental for the remainder of his time there.  Even though i had saved enough to pay for my living expenses while there, he wasn’t making enough for his share; so the trip was canceled a week before i was to meet him.

There were a mirage of other things that happened to make things even worse for him, by his own actions and bad decisions.  So in July, he broke it off with me.  But the way he went about it was really odd, for lack of a better word.  I would refer to the conversation later, as having spoken to “crack (insert his name here)”.  The person that i spoke to that day was not even close to the person i had come to know pretty well.  With the knowledge of what my ‘deal breakers’ were, he presented 2 out of the 3 deal breakers that i have and will always have; he then asked where my loyalties stood..I still have not figured out why he presented it that way, because he had NO reason or inclination to be testing me in any way, shape or form.  I was nothing but truly faithful to him and only him during our relationship.

I could have never done anything to put our relationship in jeopardy, because i would have lost one of the most incredible human beings i had ever come to know. I can’t even count how many levels we connected on, because there were so many, and so many very important ones, that i would have rather torn out my own heart and put it before him, than to tell him that i lied or cheated on him on any level: and that is not even close to an exaggeration. it is the God’s honest truth.

But throughout the break-up, as hard as it was, and it was very, very hard ( i still cry every now and then); i was, what i can only explain to you as being commissioned by the Holy Spirit to stay by his side and not to leave.  No there was no Fatal Attraction theme at all to this..it was a mission i was given, and i believe with all my heart that the Holy Spirit was telling me that this man still needed me; needed me to be a support, to be a friend, to be a soft place to fall if that is what he needed, to be a adviser, or whatever other role i was to fill for God on His behalf.

So we have stayed in contact.  He loves me like a Christian sister and i still love him with all i have; and when we do talk, on those rare occasions, i count myself blessed to still have him in my life.  Yes, i still have things to work through; still grieving the loss; the loss of the dreams that we had together, the loss of the life we would have had, the loss of a constant and completely compatible other half; It is what it is, and i am not sorry for God bringing us together.

Another, but certainly not the least, truth i know, is that there is a grand plan being carried out here. There are plans for us, as individuals, and us as a united body of humans.  Nothing happens by coincidence. Far too many things have happened with me, personally, that if you had to figure the odds of the situation coming together the way it did, just by chance, there is not a big enough number to calculate the odds of these things happening by coincidence.  It has always been Divine Intervention.  I am not telling you what you should or shouldn’t believe; i am just expressing what I believe to be true for me.

There is that saying that God puts people on our path for reasons.  Sometimes He puts us in on other people’s path, and sometime he puts others on ours..  But it is always for a very good reason.  And if you can recognize that, then you will truly be blessed tenfold throughout your life..

Sorry for this blog not being as fluent as it could have been.  i wanted to purge certain things out.  i hope it all kind of makes sense to someone out there.  Sometimes my thoughts don’t flow in a straight line, and i don’t write rough drafts for these; i just start typing; and what comes out, is on the page..

I wish all of you very good things for this coming year..and i hope to have some interesting things to write about in the future; but we all have to wait for that to happen; and when it does happen, you will be the first to hear about it;

but that is just my opinion..

God Bless you and keep you safe throughout the year and through your many travels; may He keep you strong through the trials that may come your way; and may He keep you aware and able to recognize those things that come your way, those things that you would be very sad to lose, if you had not had the chance to experience them.  Take care.  Make 2009 a year to never forget